Shoes and chocolate don’t make me happy anymore.
School kills.
As I feel every part of me draining and slipping away.
The excitment new knowledge should bring seems so far away.
If it makes you happy 6 November, 2009
2536 5 November, 2009
She finally gave in to the pressure that has been building over the past few weeks.
Deadlines and expectations.
Sometimes, it’s cathartic to lie in bed with a box of tissue, and cry.
Nope, I’m not ok.
If I lay here, if I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
11.02 3 November, 2009
I’m suppose to be preparing for school. But I don’t feel like moving.
I’m suppose to have decided on what to wear later. But I haven’t.
I’m suppose to have enough energy to bring me thru the next few weeks. But I don’t.
I need some kind of devine intevention. Lah.
Late late night musings. 2 November, 2009
12.00am. Was taking a stroll down the beach with my dog.
3.10 am. I’m still working on my essay.
But I’m a smiley face.
Cos I have fab friends!
P.s. Hello stranger. Yes, you. I know you’ve been reading my little blog. All thanks to my trusty stats tracker!
Signs 31 October, 2009
I chanced upon this video a few days ago, again. And I thought of the times when we were continents away. The close moments we shared. And now, ironically, on the same small island, being worlds apart.
Looking back, sharing this video with me was probably the most romantic thing you’ve done. So was the time you did a photo collage of your photoshoots. And the videos. And those time we sent incessant emails which contents will linger in my mind for days, or even weeks, and make me smile, like a walkin eejit..
Those were the days. Not too long ago.
On some sleepless night, I would think of us, and the possibilites if I wasn’t away in the UK for so long. And if I didn’t look so foxy and high-maintenance.
I can’t deny that I sometimes hate how things turned out between us. And I think of the what if I didn’t go to the UK?
Thankfully, these thoughts only occur during fleeting moments.
I don’t resent you. Neither do I feel for you the same way that I did.
At the same time, I find it pointless to talk to someone who made me more damaged than before.
If I had a chance to tell you there and then, I would have told you over dinner that I’m not a girl who would be impressed with your gold card. Really. I don’t even care if you don’t have one. In fact, you didn’t even need to impress me. For I was swept away by you already. Secretly.
These, you wouldn’t have known.
Just like how I still don’t know the reason for your sudden distance.
I still think of you. Sometimes. But don’t get me wrong. The thoughts of you no longer make me happy, excited, angry or bitter. They make me go, “Oh, my heart no longer ache, and I no longer cry over it late at night. But I refuse to think about you.”
Ironic eh, that I write about you when I don’t wanna think about you anymore.
Perhaps, you should credit this video which inspired me to write about you, my pain and those memories.
Every single person who walks in and out of my life leaves a trace. And it usually comes in this order– a beautiful moment which turns into a scar.
P.s. With this, I come clean with the reason for all the emo-entries that dominated my writings over the past few months. Clean slate from now.
gravity 31 October, 2009
As much as I’m hang onto my past, you’re holding onto yours dearly too.
Somehow, it’s nice to know I’m not the only damaged one.
And sometimes, I wanna go up to you to give you a little friendly hug. To let you know you’re not alone.
But I can’t. Because you don’t know I know so much about you.
The best social lubricant 31 October, 2009
Alcohol is the best social lubricant.
After the first glass, everything and everyone look better.
The second glass will give you the guts you never knew you had.
25 October, 2009
Latour, Latour. You’re driving me crazy. In a bad way.
I feel bad for the incessant emails I’ve been sending my lecturer.. Oh my.
I decided not to sleep tonight. I can no longer afford to.
I’m officially screwed.
