Signs 31 October, 2009

I chanced upon this video a few days ago, again. And I thought of the times when we were continents away. The close moments we shared. And now, ironically, on the same small island, being worlds apart.

Looking back, sharing this video with me was probably the most romantic thing you’ve done. So was the time you did a photo collage of your photoshoots. And the videos. And those time we sent incessant emails which contents will linger in my mind for days, or even weeks, and make me smile, like a walkin eejit..

Those were the days. Not too long ago.

On some sleepless night, I would think of us, and the possibilites if I wasn’t away in the UK for so long. And if I didn’t look so foxy and high-maintenance.

I can’t deny that I sometimes hate how things turned out between us. And I think of the what if I didn’t go to the UK?
Thankfully, these thoughts only occur during fleeting moments.

I don’t resent you. Neither do I feel for you the same way that I did.
At the same time, I find it pointless to talk to someone who made me more damaged than before.

If I had a chance to tell you there and then, I would have told you over dinner that I’m not a girl who would be impressed with your gold card. Really. I don’t even care if you don’t have one. In fact, you didn’t even need to impress me. For I was swept away by you already. Secretly.

These, you wouldn’t have known.

Just like how I still don’t know the reason for your sudden distance.

I still think of you. Sometimes. But don’t get me wrong. The thoughts of you no longer make me happy, excited, angry or bitter. They make me go, “Oh, my heart no longer ache, and I no longer cry over it late at night. But I refuse to think about you.”
Ironic eh, that I write about you when I don’t wanna think about you anymore.

Perhaps, you should credit this video which inspired me to write about you, my pain and those memories.

Every single person who walks in and out of my life leaves a trace. And it usually comes in this order– a beautiful moment which turns into a scar.

P.s. With this, I come clean with the reason for all the emo-entries that dominated my writings over the past few months. Clean slate from now.

gravity 31 October, 2009

As much as I’m hang onto my past, you’re holding onto yours dearly too.

Somehow, it’s nice to know I’m not the only damaged one.

And sometimes, I wanna go up to you to give you a little friendly hug. To let you know you’re not alone.
But I can’t. Because you don’t know I know so much about you.

The best social lubricant 31 October, 2009

Alcohol is the best social lubricant.

After the first glass, everything and everyone look better.

The second glass will give you the guts you never knew you had.

25 October, 2009

Latour, Latour. You’re driving me crazy. In a bad way.
I feel bad for the incessant emails I’ve been sending my lecturer.. Oh my.
I decided not to sleep tonight. I can no longer afford to.
I’m officially screwed.

Postsecret Sunday/ Best of 25 October, 2009

in a blank state 25 October, 2009

Never would I imagine I would be this stuck for a piece of assignment.

Urgh.

I miss the social life I once had.

And I’m really sorry for missing all the group-dates, parties, dinners, lunches. Hopefully, I’ll get to make it up to every single one of you soon. Before what’s left in my social circle are friends from school.

Live and learn 20 October, 2009

I’m aware my previous entries have been horribly depressing.

And as phases come and go, I’m tired of depressing entries (The cats looks like it’s sick of my sad entries too).

So, I’m gonna make sure I’m a smiley face from now on.

Life’s too short to be wasted on fussing about the “it could have been” past. And I believe that life is sometimes a self-fulfilling prophecy– so if I think I’m gonna be good, I will be.

Psst, isn’t the cat cute? It was in some random touristy shop in Amsterdam when Shoe and I went around snapping cats.

1.31 19 October, 2009

There are many different types of songs, some happy songs, some sad songs. But the best songs are those which will bring you back to the first moments that you heard them, and have your heart broken.

I thought the workload is enough to kep me distracted. And I was almost right.
Until I listen a particular song which awakens the emotions I put to sleep,
or when something small goes wrong. Like being unable to print my work, the little things that trigger off the irritation in me. That makes me wanna sit down and cry.

Which is exactly what I do.

Postsecret Sunday/ Another me 18 October, 2009

Every Sunday, I check the postsecret website and feel comforted that I’m not the only one feeling these ways.
Makes me believe that somewhere, out there. There is another me, and perhaps, another you, full of differences and yet, share a similarity..

Late-night musings 17 October, 2009

Credits to xdramatique

I wanna party.

Yes, I’m not the “good girl next door”.
I wear make-up.
I wear cleavage-revealing clothes, perhaps a little more than what the society can accept.
I have a nose piercing and mutiple ear piercings, and am loving it.
I have many many pairs of stilettos and give lotsa damn to my wardrobe.
I paint my nails in foxy red.
I don’t step out of the house without styling my hair.

So I’m a bad girl?

Hmm.

Perhaps.

But wait,
ain’t the above nothing but all things superficial?

So, when did the superficial become everything?

I think there’s more to life than essentialising people into unnecessary categories.

Chill. Breathe. I’m more than how I dress and look, and I’m not going to bite your head off. Unless you step on my toes. =)

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” — Coco Chanel

End of a beautiful disaster 16 October, 2009

I know I lost the sparkle in my eye when I speak of you.
And that is a beautiful closure.

(500) days of summer 16 October, 2009

Never let someone speak for you. Neither should it be a card, a song, nor over a screen.
When it truly matters, speak for yourself.

I had a Summer too.
Which made me decided to steer clear of seasonal changes in the emotion department for a while.

“I don’t think there are good men around anymore…”
“There are. You just haven’t met them.”

13 October, 2009

It’s dangerous when I have 3 versions of a particular song, and it’s on repeat all day long.
Doesn’t help that I space out when listening to it.

I can do with a little more excitment, a little wrong, a little bad, and a little guilt.

I’ve to admit I overwork my emotions a little too much these days.

Fashion musings 13 October, 2009

I love love love the pictures from Chanel’s latest show.
It ain’t all about the clothes, for Karl Lagerfled never fails to impress with the set of the show.

Chanel is not only about the double C on handbags. I believe it’s a league on it’s own when it comes to elegance and creativity.

That is enough to make my day.

Anticipated cravings 12 October, 2009

I’ve to say it sometimes trouble me why you talk to everyone but me. So I’m taking it all in stride. I don’t know what makes you so attractive to me, making it almost difficult to talk to you.

So, it’s time to start missing you. Even if you’re standing right in front of me.
For times like these are a luxury. And I wanna get use to missing you, before I don’t get to see you anymore.

I’m officially missing you. Whoever said it’s impossible to miss what you never had, never almost met you.

Simply put, you’re like my favourite dessert– even when placed in front of me, I look forward to seeing you again.

Perhaps, this is the epitome of fatal attraction.

Come. Talk to me.

What a difference a weekend made 11 October, 2009

And so, I did something wild this weeked.

New piercing. Nope, not on my ears.

And mama isn’t too pleased.

But, I’m only young this once.

Words, are more than words. 8 October, 2009

One of the interesting things I learnt from class today wasn’t about the scholarly content in which we were engaging in. It was a simple sentence that struck me deeply– “What is not said, is not said.”

Indeed, whatever is not said cannot be inferred.

Which made me think about you. About how we’re where and what we are because you and I, failed to say what we’re suppose to when we had to. Inference from selected gestures, and words used is not enough, for it’s not adequately expressing what it should.

And as much as I would like to think I meant something to you, I couldn’t. For it would be almost criminal to assume.

Undoubtedly, words are not everything, and some may even say words are cheap. But in some situations, everything is in place, and what’s left, is to verbalise.

Ultimately, if you want to say something, say it. Or to put it more aptly, if you had wanted to say something, you should have said it. Yes, in past tense.

For life’s like being on a stage; once you fail to deliver your lines, off you go.
I’ve showed you the answers, now here’s the door.

Poof 3 October, 2009

Suddenly, I feel the want for Christmas to be here soon.