I got to do a little thinking last weekend.

And I realised I could have have you.

But I let you slip away, twice. Because you were too perfect.
And I was scared to screw things up.

Too scared to make mistakes.

band, originally uploaded by jaslin_lurve.

]]> http://jaslin.wordpress.com/2011/03/23/band-2/feed/ 0 jaslin http://jaslin.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/3356/ http://jaslin.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/3356/#comments Wed, 02 Mar 2011 15:00:18 +0000 Jaslin http://jaslin.wordpress.com/?p=3356 ]]> I think my heart died.
After a few hits here and there, I’m done.

I often torture myself when I allow my thoughts to wander.
I hope you’ll never forget me.

After all the heart-breaking, tears-inducing, and fond memories that I think we shared, the least you can give me is to never forget me.

I only let go cos my heart ached differently the last time you hurt me. I knew I had to let us go. Or I will never be fully happy.

I ain’t happy now. But I still believe that one day, someone will sweep me off my feet, just like you did. Minus the heartbreak.

I’m sorry. But I just ain’t interested in having you in my life anymore.

For I only want to have the best in my life, who knows how to treat me well with respect.

So yes, I do think of the good times we had and the sweet lines you delivered- Paris in 2012, the crane with the cheesecake, and the classic “I will wait for you while you knock off if you have to end work late”.
As sweet as it all sounded, if you wanted me in your life, you wouldn’t have cheated. You wouldn’t have thrown us away just like that. You would have thought about how I would feel, you would have known that cheating is the biggest no-no for me.

Your time is up, dude.

Moving on…

You made me feel all sorts of emotions.

And you made me realise one thing- I can’t live with insecurity.

I always thought I can do with crazy. But I can’t. You taught me to see how deeply I can fall in love, how crazy I can become. And you also brought out the worst in me.

The last time we met, you asked if we will meet again. I said yes. And I didn’t intend for it to be a lie. I thought I can live with your dishonesty. I thought it was gonna be just another rough patch.

But I realised you reached my limits. I had to wave the white flag, my white flag. I thought I will be happy with you. But in these recent months, I forgot how it feels like to not have a worry.

I tend to over-think, and you know it. Yet, instead of assurance, all I get was more to think, worry and ponder over.

Today is significant. And I have to thank my sister and ass for being with me. Today is significant in a way that is beyond words.

I learnt to appreciate all that I have now. And I learnt to appreciate the simple and mundane.
I learnt as much as others may think I’m this wild girl, I can’t live with being wild and crazy.
I have a heart, a heart that loves. And yearns to be loved in return.

That’s why I left you.

You’ll never read this. But I did almost love you.

I learnt about all that I don’t want in a relationship.

I want stability, faithfulness and a man who knows how to give his heart whole-heartedly.

I’m done with bad boys.

If I learnt anything from you and you, I realised sometimes, the more I think and speculate, the more I kill us.

Thinking is good. But when you don’t know how to strike the balance and stop when you’re suppose to, then that’s the end to happiness.