Past and Present–The difficult balance.

Caught “Dim Sum Dollies” and “Happy Endings: Asian Boys Vol 3”.

Guess both are rather different-The dollies were witty and played heavily on good puns. So the bottomline is, you have to get them fast, if not, you’ll be finding yourself looking at the next scene already. And I love their theme song too! On the other hand, the latter was more of reflective, rather than witty. Yes, it’s all about the gay scene in Singapore, some thing I’m rather unfamiliar with. Don’t you think it’s a dark dark world out there? Some times you can’t just look at the surface. Don’t look, observe. Don’t hear, listen.

Watching Asian boys had us come out with deep thoughts and, and for me, a relatively heavy heart.

“We are a couple, but we’re not in a relationship.”

“We are in a relationship, but we’re not a couple.”

Makes me ponder about what is the vital difference between connection and mere “love”, or rather, lust. How many out there actully share both connection that goes beyond an orgasm? How many actually bother to connect, with the heart, soul and mind? On the other hand, some may share the good connection and chemistry, but never reaching the stage of couplehood, just remaining at the plateau of friendship.

A scene where by the characters’ respective past comes back to huant their present, vividly sketched the coflicting interest the past and present holds. That placed me in deep deep thoughts.

I thought about the things I’ve done so far, and sadly realised that some things I do now, is not, or maybe, even never, things I do with my heart. As people in my life who knows me well enough, I do find it hard to forgive and forget. If you ask me what my biggest flaw is, that is it. Also, with a determined character, I always fight for what I couldn’t get in the past, just for a mere short-lived sense of satisfaction. And that is bad, because I forsee hurting people around me. Luckily, besides learning more about the gay scene, I learnt that some times, there ain’t no such thing as “making them pay back for what they’ve done”, I can’t try to hurt others, just becasue they have hurt me once.

Look at us, I’m sure some of us are too caught up with our present self, that we forget about our past. While others are too caught upwith out past, we forget the importance of living our present, and shaping the future. For me, it’s obvious-I’ve been too absorbed in my past. I try to undo the pain I went through by inflicting it on the person who hurt me, trying to get what I couldn’t attain in the past, even when it isn’t something I want anymore. And that ain’t healthy for me.

It’s hard-to allow my present to walk with my past, but I’ll try.

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