Signs

I chanced upon this video a few days ago, again. And I thought of the times when we were continents away. The close moments we shared. And now, ironically, on the same small island, being worlds apart.

Looking back, sharing this video with me was probably the most romantic thing you’ve done. So was the time you did a photo collage of your photoshoots. And the videos. And those time we sent incessant emails which contents will linger in my mind for days, or even weeks, and make me smile, like a walkin eejit..

Those were the days. Not too long ago.

On some sleepless night, I would think of us, and the possibilites if I wasn’t away in the UK for so long. And if I didn’t look so foxy and high-maintenance.

I can’t deny that I sometimes hate how things turned out between us. And I think of the what if I didn’t go to the UK?
Thankfully, these thoughts only occur during fleeting moments.

I don’t resent you. Neither do I feel for you the same way that I did.
At the same time, I find it pointless to talk to someone who made me more damaged than before.

If I had a chance to tell you there and then, I would have told you over dinner that I’m not a girl who would be impressed with your gold card. Really. I don’t even care if you don’t have one. In fact, you didn’t even need to impress me. For I was swept away by you already. Secretly.

These, you wouldn’t have known.

Just like how I still don’t know the reason for your sudden distance.

I still think of you. Sometimes. But don’t get me wrong. The thoughts of you no longer make me happy, excited, angry or bitter. They make me go, “Oh, my heart no longer ache, and I no longer cry over it late at night. But I refuse to think about you.”
Ironic eh, that I write about you when I don’t wanna think about you anymore.

Perhaps, you should credit this video which inspired me to write about you, my pain and those memories.

Every single person who walks in and out of my life leaves a trace. And it usually comes in this order– a beautiful moment which turns into a scar.

P.s. With this, I come clean with the reason for all the emo-entries that dominated my writings over the past few months. Clean slate from now.

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gravity

As much as I’m hang onto my past, you’re holding onto yours dearly too.

Somehow, it’s nice to know I’m not the only damaged one.

And sometimes, I wanna go up to you to give you a little friendly hug. To let you know you’re not alone.
But I can’t. Because you don’t know I know so much about you.

The best social lubricant

Alcohol is the best social lubricant.

After the first glass, everything and everyone look better.

The second glass will give you the guts you never knew you had.

Latour, Latour. You’re driving me crazy. In a bad way.
I feel bad for the incessant emails I’ve been sending my lecturer.. Oh my.
I decided not to sleep tonight. I can no longer afford to.
I’m officially screwed.

Postsecret Sunday/ Best of

hopper

in a blank state

Never would I imagine I would be this stuck for a piece of assignment.

Urgh.

I miss the social life I once had.

And I’m really sorry for missing all the group-dates, parties, dinners, lunches. Hopefully, I’ll get to make it up to every single one of you soon. Before what’s left in my social circle are friends from school.

Live and learn

Picture 083

I’m aware my previous entries have been horribly depressing.

And as phases come and go, I’m tired of depressing entries (The cats looks like it’s sick of my sad entries too).

So, I’m gonna make sure I’m a smiley face from now on.

Life’s too short to be wasted on fussing about the “it could have been” past. And I believe that life is sometimes a self-fulfilling prophecy– so if I think I’m gonna be good, I will be.

Psst, isn’t the cat cute? It was in some random touristy shop in Amsterdam when Shoe and I went around snapping cats.

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