I chanced upon this video a few days ago, again. And I thought of the times when we were continents away. The close moments we shared. And now, ironically, on the same small island, being worlds apart.

Looking back, sharing this video with me was probably the most romantic thing you’ve done. So was the time you did a photo collage of your photoshoots. And the videos. And those time we sent incessant emails which contents will linger in my mind for days, or even weeks, and make me smile, like a walkin eejit..

Those were the days. Not too long ago.

On some sleepless night, I would think of us, and the possibilites if I wasn’t away in the UK for so long. And if I didn’t look so foxy and high-maintenance.

I can’t deny that I sometimes hate how things turned out between us. And I think of the what if I didn’t go to the UK?
Thankfully, these thoughts only occur during fleeting moments.

I don’t resent you. Neither do I feel for you the same way that I did.
At the same time, I find it pointless to talk to someone who made me more damaged than before.

If I had a chance to tell you there and then, I would have told you over dinner that I’m not a girl who would be impressed with your gold card. Really. I don’t even care if you don’t have one. In fact, you didn’t even need to impress me. For I was swept away by you already. Secretly.

These, you wouldn’t have known.

Just like how I still don’t know the reason for your sudden distance.

I still think of you. Sometimes. But don’t get me wrong. The thoughts of you no longer make me happy, excited, angry or bitter. They make me go, “Oh, my heart no longer ache, and I no longer cry over it late at night. But I refuse to think about you.”
Ironic eh, that I write about you when I don’t wanna think about you anymore.

Perhaps, you should credit this video which inspired me to write about you, my pain and those memories.

Every single person who walks in and out of my life leaves a trace. And it usually comes in this order– a beautiful moment which turns into a scar.

P.s. With this, I come clean with the reason for all the emo-entries that dominated my writings over the past few months. Clean slate from now.


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