musing at 7.03am

Strangely, I woke up remembering how I like things to be and how happy I should be feeling.

There it goes, I realised you ain’t making me happy at all.

Sad but true. Perhaps, this is when my heart no longer allows itself to bleed for you.

Maybe… this is when we all know that when I cried in front of you, the part of me which feels for you died. Fast and hard.

I’ll never wear my heart of my sleeve for you. Never again.

Back to black

This week, I cried. In front of someone I never thought I will show my raw emotions to. It scared me. And that person too.

Just so you know, I never believe in emotional blackmail. And it scared me how the tears fell without permission.

Now, I feel guilty and the need to run away from you.

So.

I’ve gone back to black.

Somehow, I woke up feeling the intense need to go back to being black. Perhaps, with all the craziness I’ve been going through, I need a dark, stable colour.

So bring on more crazy, for I’m all ready for the dark side.

Postsecret Sunday

I

I am paranoid, and at times, a little too suspicious and neurotic for my comfort.

I think. I build belief upon my thoughts. And become convinced about nothing.
I know I’m doing injustice to us.

If I want to continue this, I have to learn how to trust, how to give, forgive, forget and love.

I’m a monster at times, and I’m still learning how to the best, most lovable monster that I can be.
It’s not easy being my friend, and I hope we’ll both try.

4.19

I wish I wasn’t so judgmental– but I know you’re nothing but a heap of mess and trouble.

You’re bad for me.

And this time, there’ll be no rescue team. Just me and a sudden revelation.

Happy Birthday to me

If there’s one thing I have learnt, or better safely put, am still learning, never ever impose my expectations onto others. For it’s not only unfair to them, but also tiring to wait for the desired results.

One after another. I guess I can finally say they’re all the same– promises more than they can deliver.

So this birthday, I’m going to want it to be simple, no expectations.

All I ask for is to be giving ang forgiving. Live and let live.

10.42

I’m trying very hard not to walk away from you.

I may be using every ounce of energy I have. And I’m still finding it dificult.

You make it difficult to be nice.

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