I am at crossroads. And my fear did materialise. I saw it coming.
I don’t know if I should still persist trying to look for a job that I’ll like. Or if I should just settle.

And I do think I’m a sadist- I can’t stop torturing myself. Deepening the heartbreak and allowing myself to cry.

Sometimes, I sit and wonder, why is growing up so painful and torturous?

I can give all that I have, but get nothing in return. That itself is enough to kill the soul.

Perhaps, that’s why retail therapy works. Cos you know that as long as you’re willing to pay, you’ll get what you want.

That should explain my crazy spree at Chanel.
For I know that as long as I’m willing to burn that hole in my pocket, I’ll get that piece I desire. And this, only applies when I’m shopping.

I need stability, for a while. A while that will last long enough to forget that I was unhappy.


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