I lay in bed and thought of this year. I thought of you. I thought of us.

You made me feel all sorts of emotions.

And you made me realise one thing- I can’t live with insecurity.

I always thought I can do with crazy. But I can’t. You taught me to see how deeply I can fall in love, how crazy I can become. And you also brought out the worst in me.

The last time we met, you asked if we will meet again. I said yes. And I didn’t intend for it to be a lie. I thought I can live with your dishonesty. I thought it was gonna be just another rough patch.

But I realised you reached my limits. I had to wave the white flag, my white flag. I thought I will be happy with you. But in these recent months, I forgot how it feels like to not have a worry.

I tend to over-think, and you know it. Yet, instead of assurance, all I get was more to think, worry and ponder over.

Today is significant. And I have to thank my sister and ass for being with me. Today is significant in a way that is beyond words.

I learnt to appreciate all that I have now. And I learnt to appreciate the simple and mundane.
I learnt as much as others may think I’m this wild girl, I can’t live with being wild and crazy.
I have a heart, a heart that loves. And yearns to be loved in return.

That’s why I left you.

You’ll never read this. But I did almost love you.

I learnt about all that I don’t want in a relationship.

I want stability, faithfulness and a man who knows how to give his heart whole-heartedly.


New year resolution

To love myself more.
To stop worrying and thinking so much.
To surround myself with people who loves and care about me.

I’m done with bad boys.

Chase the panic attacks away.

It’s official. He was cheating.

More self-love = stop thinking so much.

If I learnt anything from you and you, I realised sometimes, the more I think and speculate, the more I kill us.

Thinking is good. But when you don’t know how to strike the balance and stop when you’re suppose to, then that’s the end to happiness.