I lay in bed and thought of this year. I thought of you. I thought of us.

You made me feel all sorts of emotions.

And you made me realise one thing- I can’t live with insecurity.

I always thought I can do with crazy. But I can’t. You taught me to see how deeply I can fall in love, how crazy I can become. And you also brought out the worst in me.

The last time we met, you asked if we will meet again. I said yes. And I didn’t intend for it to be a lie. I thought I can live with your dishonesty. I thought it was gonna be just another rough patch.

But I realised you reached my limits. I had to wave the white flag, my white flag. I thought I will be happy with you. But in these recent months, I forgot how it feels like to not have a worry.

I tend to over-think, and you know it. Yet, instead of assurance, all I get was more to think, worry and ponder over.

Today is significant. And I have to thank my sister and ass for being with me. Today is significant in a way that is beyond words.

I learnt to appreciate all that I have now. And I learnt to appreciate the simple and mundane.
I learnt as much as others may think I’m this wild girl, I can’t live with being wild and crazy.
I have a heart, a heart that loves. And yearns to be loved in return.

That’s why I left you.

You’ll never read this. But I did almost love you.

I learnt about all that I don’t want in a relationship.

I want stability, faithfulness and a man who knows how to give his heart whole-heartedly.


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